CoffeeJules

“….looks like I’ll run out of highway before I outrun the rain…” 

From “Fire and Smoke” by Earl Thomas Conley

This past weekend was an exact replica of the previous weekend.

Rent-a-cars and north bound planes. Early flights. No sleep, runnin’ on empty. Wake up calls. Coffee. Coffee. Then more coffee.

Previous weekend was to see my friend off before death. To thank him for being my friend. Past weekend was to lay him to rest. Then back to early early Oklahoma drives on Mondays. The last 2 weekends have been exactly the same. 

Nice to have seen some old acquaintances. I guess that’s what funerals were intended. The man that passed away was damn near family to me. Sort of a cross between an older brother or a father-figure. And his son is like a younger brother to me. 

Events such as these unfortunately make one reflect perhaps a bit too much. Well at least that’s how it affects me. Makes me want to leave to unknown territory. A foreign country perhaps. Where I don’t speak the language and I’m forced to rely on just being resourceful.  At the same time it makes me feel to just stay at home away from anyone and everyone.

As much as I like rain, the last few weeks have been similar to a torrential downpour with no end in sight. It’s been sunny the last 2 weeks but you wouldn’t know it by what has transpired since the first week of September. I’ve been in a tailspin since Emily waved goodbye. 

I suppose it’s called going through a “season” that we all go through, not just me. I’ll reference Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 in the Good Book. A time to weep, a time to laugh. Which reminds me, it’s the second consecutive Sunday that I wasn’t in attendance for church. The ill timing of being on a plane on Sundays.

Emily is seemingly so far away now that I even doubt she remembers my name.  

It puzzles me that I am having such difficulty shaking her memory. 

Still I hope she is in good health. That she is in good spirits and all things that are good are in her life at this very moment. 

I write.

I write.

I write.

It’s my therapy. Almost like a friend I want to see.

We had plans with Gershwin 1 Oct 22. Had planned it in August.

The little black dress. The stilettoes. Black tie. Her first symphony. But alas, not to be.

She had a change of heart. I was so looking forward the cool evening Autumn air.

My good friend Jesse was called to Heaven yesterday evening (Sept 25) approximately the same time I was writing yesterday’s journal entry.

May you Rest In Peace my friend.

Hard to know exactly when Emily first crossed my path. As far as I can recollect, it may have been the summer of 2017. Either the sixth or seventh month of that year. I had a vacancy in a property I owned in the Houston suburbs. As with any tenant move out, a landlord has to view the property and assess the clean out and/or repairs needed to bring the property back up to speed and ready for another tenant. 

It’s usually customary of me to try and meet a neighbor or two either across the street from my property or the one next door. Preferably both. As it was that fateful day, I met the neighbor on my left. The front door of my house was left open and my vehicle parked right in front of the driveway with the door ajar. Mainly for the neighbor to know my visit is intentional and I’m not someone trying to break into the property.

The house next door seemed frenetically occupied and a lean fit blonde was stepping out of a vehicle. Removing my sunglasses I hailed her attention, “Howdy I’m Jules,” was about as original of a salutation as I could muster. I mean it was after all my intent to just let someone know I’ll be here for a short while and there might be some workers here in the next couple of days or weeks.

From a distance, “Hi there….”, the voice called out. 

Walking halfway in between both houses, “I just wanted to say hi and let you know I own this house. We’ll probably be getting it ready again for rent in case you know of anyone that is looking for a house.”

“I’m Emily. Oh and this is my son Harrison.” 

She had arresting verdant eyes which framed her prominent cheekbones blended with a trustworthy smile. “When do you think you’ll have the house ready for rent?” she asked. 

We made small talk for a minute. She seemed busy with a multitude of tasks to accomplish. 

I mentioned that I’ll probably need the front and back yard mowed soon in case she knew of anyone in the neighborhood. 

“Sure,” she said. “I can do it. I love being out in the sun.” 

“Or,” nodding her head to Harrison, “one of us can do it,” she said with a smile. 

“Sounds good,” I replied. “I’ll be in touch soon. I’ll give you one of my cards in case you have any questions or if you see any activity around the property.”

They both turned around and headed back into their 2-story house.

“Gosh,” I thought to myself. “Why can’t I have a pretty tenant like that?”

September morn
We danced until the night became a brand new day
Two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play
September morning, still can make me feel that way….from a Neil Diamond song

Interesting what the heart resolves to keep as memories. 

Who wins if the heart and mind struggle? 

What’s more important in a machine, the motor or the computer? 

We can’t have one and not the other. Both have intricate roles. 

How quickly albeit abruptly life forces us to turn the page. It doesn’t care how you feel. 

Life is happening at this very second. 

This is me asking life: “STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you wait just ONE second??!!! I’m tryin’ to process everything you’re putting me through!!”

As far as I know or have discovered, the world truly did stop once in it’s lifetime. See Joshua 10:13 in the Good Book.

Why can’t it stop for me? 

Currently in Oklahoma. Not for fun. But for the business of ramping up a short term rental project.  

I awake to find a fantastic sunrise in a wooded area tucked along McCurtain County. 

The weather is perfect. Crisp.

No matter how far I go. The more I try to forget Emily…..only to discover she’s no further than my mind. 

Looks like the heart is winning today’s battle with the brain. 

September morn……

Do you remember how we danced that night away?
Two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play
September morning, still can make me feel that way

Certainly I’m not the first that’s ever penned that phrase. But gosh it can easily help us put things in perspective. If anything it makes us take inventory of ourselves. We rush to take an introspective view of what we’ve done with our time on earth. But it only happens when our world turns upside down.

I had traveled to the flatlands of West Texas in an unexpected whirlwind tour Saturday. I bid a tearful adieu to one of my best friends in the evening and set about to find a place to stay in Lubbock. Up to now, everything had been a gamble – especially finding a rental car. The last company I inquired had one. Needless to say, I gave in to my stubbornness and paid four times the price for a hotel room.

About 11 pm I checked into to my Southwest flight to Houston for Sunday Sept 25. Something went terribly wrong. SWA had me in Houston at 1 AM on the 25. It had routed me through Denver. I had to cancel. American Air had one leaving at 6:30 am arriving in Houston at 10 AM. Problem was, it would land at Bush and my car was parked at Hobby. I took the flight anyway. Just another problem on top of the other gambles I had taken. A one-way flight to Houston from Lubbock at midnight Saturday is $800. What choice did I have?

I leave my hotel at 4:45 AM to the Lubbock Airport. Our flight was slated for a 6:30 AM departure. We finally leave at 7 am landing in DFW at 8 am. My flight to Houston leaves at 8:45. Problem I had was I had to jump trains. I made my gate at 8:37 just as the plane door was about to close. I sure wasn’t taking any introspective view of my life at the moment. All I could think is, ” I CAN’T MISS THIS FLIGHT – I HAVE TO DRIVE TO OKLAHOMA MONDAY at 4 AM!”

The point to all this is life and the world around me doesn’t care about my fractured heart and it surely won’t stop just because I want it to – even for just a minute. Fortunately or unfortunately, I’m not alone. So many people are in the same boat.

I had been on a good streak attending church 2 consecutive Sundays. But at least I flew close to Him today. Close enough to say “Death is a part of life.”

As I write this nearly at 8:30 pm Sunday. I’m soon to turn in. My friend is on his last hours. No longer coherent of his surroundings. I moan and whine about money lost. Certainly this puts things in perspective.

My good friend I tearfully bid a heartfelt farewell. I do find solace that I trust in your judgement having been saved. God is calling you home but we still want you here.

It may have seemed an inconvenience to piece together a fast trip, but I truly did it out of love for you and our friendship. I am happy you’ll be with your brother and mother. And it’ll be up to me to see you up there on day.

Very little sleep. Found a flight to Lubbock that will land at 3 pm today. Paid through the nose obviously on such a short notice. Landed at DFW at 11:15 so still on a layover.
Car rental in Lubbock still not secured so just running on a gamble. Ditto hotel accommodations. Flight back to Houston leaves at 6 AM 25 Sept.

Perfect storm. UT travels to Lubbock causing havoc on car rentals and hotel accommodations and driving prices 4 to 5 times the norm.

Jess has a 50-50 probability he’ll be on the earth by the time I get there – if and when. Spoke to him via his daughter before my flight departed Houston. I told him to hang on.

Thousands of people all around Love Field. Interesting how so many people can make you feel so alone.

How can I tell you goodbye? 

How do I find words to say you are a good person? 

You’re the one to blame for me taking up golf. You sold me your son’s irons. I still remember the brand (Dunlops). I still say I paid too much for ’em. 

I hated your teams you hated mine. 

You’re not the type that leaves this earth the way you’re leaving. Unexpectedly expected. It’s not how I envisioned it. 

Rural west Texas in 1990. Oil fields as far as the eye could see. One-horse town only good for bringing in billions of dollars to the Texas economy, but an obscure living outside of that. 

I learned to lift weights because of you. What else was there to do in hamlet with one blinking light and one convenience store? Just a high school stadium, access to a gym and time. Oh and a dried up goat ranch for a 9-hole golf course. 

Your wife and family were the best around. You raised your daughters and son well. Two college grads and your son flirted with a Harvard admission until he settled on Texas Tech and achieved his degree also.   

How do I tell you good bye? With so many other friends and family wanting what’s left of your time. Will you remember what I have to say? 

How do I tell you good bye without you ever seeing me walk down the aisle, bride in tow? My only solace is knowing you met the girl I was crazy about in 1991. You were the only one of my friends she met. I thought that much of you. 

How do I tell you I will never forget your friendship when tragedy struck and completely disassembled my life forever?  You stepped in as a father figure and always found time for a quick trip to Lubbock to play a round at Pine Valley. 

How do I tell you good bye after so many years of friendship? Even those years when we didn’t keep up but always knew of your whereabouts through your son. I last saw you this time last year because of the untimely death of your brother. You took me to the airport even. So now it’s your turn to leave this earth? 

Flights out of Houston this late are next to impossible. Texas is playing your beloved Red Raiders (the team I love to hate) and I can’t find a rental car let alone a hotel that isn’t asking $600 a night for a pillow and bed. 

Just got word from your son you may not make it by the time I board the plane still unsure of where I’ll stay or if I can find a car. 

How do I say goodbye my dear friend? My tears are all I have and they can’t find their way to west Texas by the time you leave for good. 

How can I tell you goodbye…………….?

How can love lost or any amorous affair have any correlation to one of the premier private universities in the nation? One of the fun things and nice perks of being in a relationship is the opportunity to plan future events together. We pretty much had our month planned out. This past weekend was the very first weekend since May that I didn’t see her. Still, one may ask, what does this have to do with the Rice Owls? Simple. As a fun date, we had made plans to have a date at Rice Stadium. It would just so happen that two 11-man rosters would compete against each other on the gridiron for a tackle football game while we regaled ourselves about the week prior and catch up on things. Have a few drinks. Eat a burger or hot dog. Maybe even a Lone Star. For me and Emily, it would just be a date much like going to the movies. And sure all those other happenings could go ahead and take place. Bands playing. Cheerleaders doing what they do – lead cheers. We had only planned on being there a few hours anyway. Maybe 2 hours tops. Tickets? Naw we were just going to walk up to the box office at game time. Hey it’s Rice. Not Alabama. They’ll practically pay ME to attend the game.

It used to be said that in Houston if you’re caught speeding you’d get a Rice football game ticket as your punishment. A second violation and you were forced to attend.

One day you turn around, and it’s summer
Next day you turn around, and it’s fall
And the springs and the winters of a life time
Whatever happened to them all

As a man who has always had the wandering ways
Now I’m reaching back for yesterdays
‘Til a long forgotten love appears
And I find that I’m sighing softly as I near September
The warm September of my years

Caution….this story has been modified for me. It’s my blog so there.

What Would Jesus Do ? The answer might surprise you.

Recently, I found myself on a beach deep in prayer. I was feeling a bit selfish and exclaimed aloud, “Lord above, grant me one wish.”

Suddenly a booming voice sounded, “Because you have tried to be faithful to Me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” Sure ’nuff it was our Savior.

“Lord,” I said. “If I may, I’d like a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is too materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take over thousands of miles! Sure I can do it, but why such a desire for worldly things? Think of another wish. A wish you think might bring honor and glory to Me.”

I thought of Emily and I said, “Lord, maybe give me an understanding of women? Seriously now, how can I know how they feel inside? When she says, “nothing’s wrong” or “please give me some space”? How I can make Emily truly happy?”

The good Lord paused for a bit and replied, “You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”