Sept 6, 2022 Tuesday

Couldn’t sleep at all last night. Woke up a bit tired. Starting a journal to perhaps help me deal with our breakup.

She was an unlikely candidate, yet I was attracted to her upon our first meeting when she was inquiring about a house to rent in the spring of 2021. We had briefly exchanged hellos in 2019. Her life was completely different back then. Much more stable and secure.

We met for dinner on a rainy April day this year on her side of town. I had just flown in from a business trip to San Luis Potosi. And now on another rainy day (this time Sunday Sept 5) it was my phone screen telling me that “we should stop seeing one another.”

I was so looking forward to cooler weather. She loves the outdoors. I learned about hiking through her and our first hike was at Memorial Park in this heat over the Memorial Day weekend. I don’t know if it qualifies for a “hike” per se, but we had a real neat excursion walking up and down the bike trails. It would be the first of many in different parks.

It’s Tuesday morning 6 Sept 2022. And I can’t get untracked. All I do is think of her. Officially, we are taking a break from each other. She was so easy to get to know. So easy to get along with. We hit a bump roughly 3 to 4 weeks ago and uncharacteristically we began bickering. Mostly me being too rigid. And her reaction to that only led to very mild unimportant arguments. Not even arguments really. More like useless bickering back and forth.

She’s had a so many obstacles of late. I admire her tenacity. Having lost her husband within the last 2 years has been so difficult on her. And it’s been difficult for me to “date” her. She’s lost jobs (not due to anything she did wrong). She’s reapplied for jobs. Finally established employment.

It’s safe to say we shouldn’t have even flirted with the idea of dating. She has so much to focus on. I felt going out was good for her since she was alone most of the time. She has so much on her plate and it was nice going out with her just to see her smile.

My writing is really an example of scatter shooting since I’m going in so many directions. My brain is disorganized. But all I do is think of her.

Hoping this will be a much needed catharsis, I have decided to pen my thoughts in a journal. My first.

I have never done anything like this before.